


for us to meet again

by divinelouis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bottom Louis, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad Ending, Suicide, Top Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-15
Updated: 2013-12-15
Packaged: 2018-01-04 16:29:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1083184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divinelouis/pseuds/divinelouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis,<br/>Loved you once<br/>Love you still<br/>Always have<br/>Always will<br/>I'm so sorry, baby.<br/>- Harry x</p><p>That's when Louis' whole world shattered. </p><p>or Harry's suffering and everyone knows, except they don't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	for us to meet again

**Author's Note:**

> *Any twitter named used is randomly chosen, and if it is in use by anyone, then it is not in any way associated with that person and is purely coincidental.
> 
> Any of these * means the beginning or the end of a flashback.
> 
> Happy reading! 
> 
> *May be triggering in some places*

 

The first time Harry sees it is two days after One Direction's album Up All Night debut's in the United Kingdom. He's casually scrolling through his mentions on twitter, subtly checking the response from the fans on the entire album, when it jumps out at him.

**@jessiiikay_x: @Harry_Styles u r ugly & worthless. u dont deserve to be in one direction. at least the others have talent. go kill yourself.**

He stares at the tweet. He doesn't know how to feel other than to immediately shut down. Harry can feel his body begin to go numb, climbing into a shell where rude comments don't exist. He vaguely hears Louis call for him somewhere else in the flat as his mind lets the comment swim through his brain.

 _Worthless. She thinks I'm worthless. She thinks I can't sing._  His thoughts pause briefly.  _Is she right?_

"Harry," Louis interrupts, unknowingly of course. Harry snaps his head up, looking directly at Louis as he quickly shuts his laptop so that Louis won't see the offending comment. "Are you ready? We need to leave like... now. Or we'll be late for our radio interview with BBC." He doesn't really get the chance to reply before Louis' backing out of the doorway with a raised eyebrow and a pointed look.

Harry sighs and scrubs at his face with his hands. He sits on his bed for only a moment before he heaves himself to his feet. He stumbles from his room with his phone in hand and marches down the hallway towards the living room where he can hear Louis moving around.

"Hey, Lou," he begins. "Let's go. I'm really tired, and I just want to get this over with."

Harry knows he sounds out of character, and he can immediately sense that Louis realizes it too, because his eyes narrow at him. Louis doesn't say anything though, and Harry is grateful for that. Normally Harry is extremely excited for interviews, no matter the type, regardless of how he feels. Even if he's sick, he'll show. He never complains about doing stuff involving his job because he knows he's lucky he got the opportunity that he did.

The tweet had him riled though.

He knew people were cruel and rude, but he never thought they would tell him to kill himself solely because they thought he couldn't sing and thought he was ugly. It didn't make sense to him. It never would.

"Alright," Louis finally said. Harry glanced at him, almost forgetting his presence for a moment. "C'mon, baby." Harry smiled at the term of endearment. He loved when Louis used them. His favorites had always been "baby" and "lovely," but he would never tell that to Louis. He glanced down at Louis' outstretched hand and took it willingly.

However, he knew the second they stepped foot into the lobby, they would have to release their hold on each other.

That was the part Harry hated the most.

*

"Harry," someone from the management team sighed. "You must understand why we say you have to keep your relationship a secret. It's for the well-being of you, Louis, and your band mates. Basically, the overall success of One Direction. We have no personal problems with you and Louis being a couple. In fact, we're extremely happy for you because we can tell how much you two mean to each other. We're doing this in your best interest."

Harry and Louis both glared at the woman. "No," Louis growled out. "You're doing this for  _your_ benefit. Not one of the other boys opposed to letting us openly show our relationship, and all five of us agreed that whatever happened, we would always be a band. Even if the release of this "scandal" as you call it gives us less popularity. This is an opportunity of a lifetime, but I'd rather be happy with the person I love any day before I wished to be rich and famous."

The woman smirked. "So, you're basically telling us that you'd rather One Direction didn't exist than keep your relationship a secret? Because we can make that happen, if that's what you choose."

"No!" Louis roared.

"But Louis, that's exactly what-," she began.

"No," Harry interrupted. "That's not what he said, and we will never say that. One Direction is our life now; however, what we're saying is that we don't care to be the biggest boy band in the world if that means we can show our true colors."

"The colors of the flaming gay," a representative in the corner of the room mumbled lowly. Louis started towards him with his fists clenched, but Harry grabbed his arm to stop him. The woman rolled her eyes and turned to look back at Harry who was staring at her with narrowed eyes.

"You can't come out publicly. So choose. Your relationship or One Direction?" She raised a curious eyebrow at both of the boys. Everyone was silent before Louis finally tugged on Harry's hand, walking towards the exit.

As they crossed the threshold, he spit out, "Enjoy your millions of dollars, motherfuckers."

Behind them, the door slammed.

*

The slight jump of the lift going down signified that they had already made progress toward the lobby. Harry shook his head, trying to rid himself of thoughts of his management team. It was quite easy as Louis slotted his body into the side of Harry's, wrapping his arm around his waist.

Harry looked down at him with a smile while wrapping his own arm around Louis' shoulders. "Hi," he whispered.

Louis smiled back and crinkles formed next to his eyes. "I love you," he replied quietly.

Harry pushed their foreheads together, closing his eyes as he marveled in the words. He hummed lightly before closing the gap between their faces and kissing Louis' lips with as much love as he could muster. He pulled back seconds later and Louis whined under his breath, chasing Harry's lip with his eyes closed.

Harry chuckled and placed another quick kiss to his lips. "I love you, too."

Louis moved forward to embrace him tightly, pushing his face down into Harry's chest. "With all of my heart."

Harry smiled; he hadn't been sure if Louis would say it this time. "For the rest of my life," he breathed back. Louis squeezed at Harry's mid-section one last time before releasing his hold and stepping back. The timing was perfect because as soon as both of Louis' feet planted next to each other, the lift doors dinged open, and the lobby was in full view.

"Ready?" Harry asked.

"Always, lovely."

**\-----**

The second time Harry sees it—and lets it affect him—is three days after the BRIT Awards where they won the award for Best British Single. He, and the rest of the boys, had been over the moon with elation. Winning a BRIT award had always been a goal for all of them the second SYCO Records and Modest! Management had signed them. To know that their wish had come true was beyond anything they could have ever imagined.

On twitter, Harry had gotten so many congratulations from fans and other celebrities on the bands immense steal in the music industry. He had been scrolling through his mentions yet again, replying to fans and following a few here and there when it flashed like strobe lights in a club at midnight.

**@flyawaylikeme: @Harry_Styles u looked so stupid at the brit awards. u dont deserve that award. just kill yourself. one direction would be so much better.**

Harry immediately shut the twitter app on his phone and threw, with excessive force, his phone at the wall opposite his bed. A loud crash resounded throughout the room and the phone fell to the carpeted floor with a thud.

Tears welled in Harry's eyes and his hands shook as he burrowed himself into his blankets. He flipped over and cried tears into his pillow. He gripped tightly at the sheets of his bed and sobbed loudly. If Louis was home, he'd have been in Harry's room comforting him already.

He wished that Louis was there. However, he was glad he wasn't. He didn't want Louis to see how much the hate affected him. He didn't want Louis to see how fragile he was. If he did, he would always be on the lookout for Harry.

He didn't want a watchful eye.

So Louis would never know.

Harry laid there for a few more minutes, trying to calm down before he slowly picked himself up off the bed and moved over towards his phone. He picked up his phone and sighed in relief when he realized it wasn't damaged.

As he walked back over towards his bed, he unlocked his phone and went back onto the twitter app. He immediately went into the search engine and searched " _harry styles kill._ "

Results showed up instantly. There were far more than Harry believed there would be. That didn't stop him however. He scrolled right down the list, reading each one.

**@curtainfall: harry styles is such a fuck up. dont think anyone forgot red and black. i hope someone just kills him.**

**@againstthewall: can someone please just kill harry fucking styles. he's stupid and worthless. he has no talent.**

**@lizziemarie_xx: fucking kill yourself faggot @Harry_Styles. worthless piece of shit.**

**@xallalone_: @Harry_Styles fucking faggot. kill yourself. die in a car crash. just leave earth.**

**@undertherain: fuck you. all the boys hate you. youre ugly and talentless. kill yourself. cut yourself, i don't care. @Harry_Styles**

Tears flowed freely from Harry's eyes. He didn't bother trying to wipe them away. His chest ached and his whole body felt heavy, as if he were made from lead. It hurt. His brain told him to stop reading the tweets. To exit the app and call Louis. Something,  _anything_ , that wouldn't hurt this much.

His hands had a completely different idea. He kept scrolling through and noticed most of the tweets said a lot of the same thing.

They all hurt. Harry couldn't fathom why someone would ever say such a thing to anyone. How someone could willingly hurt someone so much. Harry couldn't remember a time when he had ever said anything more rude than "shut up" to someone, and he didn't think he'd ever be happy with himself if he did.

He could feel a tension headache forming as tears continued to spill over his cheeks. One tear for every rude tweet. They slid down his face and neck, finally disappearing into the cotton of his t-shirt. Each track dried as a new one formed. Harry knew his eyes were swollen and red. He didn't care. He let out a choked sob and dropped his phone onto his bed beside him.

He glanced over at the clock, numbers blurred by the offending tears.

He only had thirty or so minutes until Louis would be home from his "date" with Eleanor.

Eleanor was a lovely girl and Harry didn't hate her. She was all smiles and kind words and knew to do her job to the best of her ability but not to overdo it. Harry knew she wouldn't though. She had her own boyfriend she went home to every night.

Eleanor Calder. She was a scam. Nothing more than a distraction to the fans of One Direction. Louis didn't actually love her. Harry hadn't actually introduced them. Harry didn't have a particular interest in her at all. He would always agree with anyone who said Eleanor was a lovely girl, but his problems with her ran more deep and personal.

It's just... it's not that he disliked  _her_ , he just didn't like why she was in his life. It was management's idea of course. Give Louis a girlfriend for all intents and purposes so that they would stop believing in Larry Stylinson. Louis and Harry had fought against that until they were blue in the face, however the team for Modest wouldn't budge in the slightest.

*

"What do you  _mean_ Louis has to get a girlfriend?" Harry seethed. "Were you not listening two months ago when we told you that we were together and  _in love_? He's  _mine_ you mindless dimwits! I'm not going to share him. And I'm most certainly not going to break-up with him for your benefit!"

"Harry, calm down right now or we  _will_ ask you to leave the room!" Will Bloomfield scolded.

Louis huffed and stood straighter. "Why must you do this? If it's really that big of a deal, this  _Larry Stylinson_ stuff, then we'll tone down public affection. Giving me a fake girlfriend is not going to solve the problem. You're just going to piss off Harry and I. Furthermore, that could damage the poor girl."

Will smirked. "Oh, we have the perfect girl already, Louis Tomlinson. She's agreed to do it, only if you both are okay with it, which," he continued on as he noticed Louis open his mouth, "you both are, whether that's actually true or not. Her father has a direct connection to Modest through Colombia records in the United States. The perfect girl."

A woman with too much red lipstick and foundation stepped forward next. "So, here are the details. Her name is Christina Calder, but she will be going by the name Eleanor to Louis and the rest of the band, and that's what the rest of the world will think as well. She attends Manchester University and she is nineteen years old. Louis," she turned directly towards him. He looked at her with a hard glare. "The story behind you meeting is this:

"Harry wanted his old friend Eleanor to come over which you agreed to. She came over and you guys hit it off, et cetera."

"Wait," Louis interrupted. "Your alibi is that I met her through  _Harry_? That's sickening! That's so twisted."

Harry could feel his heart shred into tiny little pieces. It was like two icy cold hands were squeezing and constricting his heart. Pushing, pushing, pushing.

_You don't deserve him anyway._

Harry shook his head. He could feel the weight pressing on his shoulders pushing him down, down, down.

_He never really wanted you._

He heard himself whimper.  _That's not true,_ he bit back.  _Louis loves me, he tells me every day._

The voice inside his head laughed. His body went numb all over, as if he had suddenly been thrown into the Atlantic Ocean in the middle of the coldest winter day. He felt like he was being stabbed with a million needles all over his body. This couldn't be happening to him. It wasn't fair. All he wanted was a forever with Louis.

_Fuck you, Harry._

"No!" he cried out, falling to his knees in the middle of the floor.

He vaguely heard Louis' shrill screech of "Harry!" and the thud as he dropped to the floor beside him.

"Harry?" Louis whined. "Can you hear me?"

Harry didn't reply. He curled into a ball on the floor, wrapping protective arms around himself to shield his body from the pain. "Look what you've done!" Louis screamed at the Modest team. All of them had looks of astonishment on their faces. "He's having a panic attack,  _look what you've done_!"

_Fuck you, Harry._

"Harry, come on, baby. I'm right here. I'm not leaving you. Come back to me, please. I need you. Calm down. Please. It'll be okay, Harry. Everything will be alright." Louis was trying his best. He held both of Harry's hands in one of his and let his other hand rest atop Harry's head, smoothing down his hair, running his fingers through it.

Harry's body started to shake as he reached for Louis. He was seeking out the warmth and comfort he knew would come along with Louis' delicate frame. "Louis," he whimpered. Louis sighed and put his arms underneath Harry, hoisting him up and walking towards the door.

"We'll call you when it's time to meet Eleanor," Will said as they walked out the door. Louis stopped and turned to look at him.

"Fuck you."

_Fuck you, Harry._

*

Harry let out a loud sob as he got off his bed and went over to the bathroom attached to his room. He knew the best way to try and diminish the tears was to take a shower. He stepped over the threshold and closed the door behind him. He didn't move from in front of the door, instead he leaned back against it with his eyes shut tight, letting the last tears fall.

After about three minutes, he wiped at his eyes violently and brought his head back down. He scanned his bathroom, noticing he hadn't put anything away this morning. His razor and shaving cream lay on the counter by his sink.

Harry thought back to some of the tweets he had read today.

_Cut yourself, I don't care._

Harry paused. People did it all the time for relief from pain.  _Would it be so horrible to do?_

He didn't move from his place for another thirty seconds before he threw himself towards the razor and ripped at it with his fingers. He knew there was better way to get the blade out, but now the thought was engraved into his head and he just wanted it.

His fingers starting oozing blood as they scraped and scratched against the blades. He was aware of the stinging sensation, but it wasn't good enough. In desperation, he started slamming the razor against the counter hoping one or more of the blades would disconnect and fall to the floor. He screamed out in frustration.

"C'mon! Please, please!" He growled under his breath, bringing the razor down a final time as hard as he could. The razor head shattered and the four blades all fell on the floor, scattering into the different places.

Harry let out a sob as he fell to the floor and shakily picked up one of the blades. His vision went blurry again as tears fell harder than ever.

_I hope this is what you wanted._

He closed his eyes and leaned his head black as he touched the blade to his wrist, pressing hard and dragging. He didn't open his eyes and look as he did it again, putting another line right next to the new one.

_I'm so sorry, Louis._

Harry groaned as he sliced his wrist for a third time. This stinging was a wonderful distraction from the thoughts inside his head. He instantly wondered why he hadn't done this before.

_Because you're hurting Louis._

He shook his head and let out more tears as he fell back on his bum, beginning a fourth mark.

_Fuck you, Harry._

He opened his eyes. He looked directly at his left wrist where four fresh cuts were welling blood. It dripped down from each side of his wrist, spotting the hard, white tiles in harsh red liquid. Harry smiled wetly at the look. He could get used to this.

Harry let the blade clatter to the floor as he continued to watch the blood form from the nasty gashes. The burning started to cease and Harry panicked. He didn't want it to stop. He wanted to keep feeling it. He scrambled for the fallen blade, but didn't get the chance to pick it up before he heard the front door slam shut.

He blanched.

Louis was home.

He couldn't know. He would never look at Harry the same. He would be so ashamed.

Harry pushed himself off the floor, collecting the four blades and the destroyed razor. He chucked the plastic into the bin and shoved the blades into the corner of his medicine cabinet. He started slipping off his clothes in a hurry to get in the shower.

He stopped when he saw red appear in the basin of the sink.

"Fuck," he murmured and looked down at the floor that was covered in smeared blood from Harry's hasty clean up. He eyes spun around the room looking for something to clean the blood up. His eyes landed on the toilet paper and he rushed over and fumbled with trying to get it off the roll.

He pulled off more than was probably necessary and threw himself to the floor to clean the mess.

"Harry? Baby, where are you?"

Harry grunted and scrubbed at the floor viciously. The blood wiped up quickly and Harry sighed in relief as the white shined underneath him.

He stood quickly and threw the paper into the toilet before flushing. He wiped at the spot in the basin of this sink with his thumb and walked over to the shower, turning it on. He stripped off what was left of his clothes and stepping into the scalding water.

He let the water rain around him and soak into his pores. He let the heat relax his muscles and he fell back against the cool tiles. He looked down at the blood that was dripping down onto the floor, turning the water pink.

He sighed and pushed his wrist into the water to wash away the rest of the blood. His hissed in immense pain and pulled his wrist close to his body. The stinging faded after a couple seconds, but blood still welled from the cuts, so Harry put his wrist back under the water, silently hoping the stinging would be there.

It was.

He bit his lip but left the cuts in the water so they could get clean.

He was staring so intensely at the blood washing away that when there was knock at the bathroom door, his jumped. "Lovely, are you alright in there?"

Harry was silent, knowing he would need to calm down so his voice wouldn't come out shaky. He stepped forward and turned the water off and started to open the glass door. At the same time, he saw the bathroom door opening and his only love walked in.

He stepped the rest of the way out and Louis watched him closely. Harry looked at him and smiled a genuine smile. Louis could always, no matter how he felt, bring a smile to his face. Louis was beautiful and kind and sweet and everything Harry could ever want in a soulmate. He wouldn't ask for anything different. Not for anything.

"Hi, love," Harry said gently. "I missed you."

Louis smiled warmly and reached for him. Harry quickly finished wrapping the towel around his waist so he could walk into the circle of Louis' arms. He was careful to avoid bumping his wrist or letting Louis see it.

"I missed you, too," Louis whispered against his damp chest. "I hate when I have to go out with her. We do the same thing every time. Shopping and Starbucks."

Harry laughed, although it wasn't real. He didn't like thinking about Louis being out with Eleanor. "Only so much coffee one can drink." He felt Louis smirk against his chest. Louis was warm against his exposed skin. Harry just wanted to be pressed to him for the rest of his life.

Whenever Louis was embracing him he felt safe, like he could conquer the world and no one could hurt him. Louis was his anchor and Harry would sink without him. He shined like all the stars in the sky and Harry thought he could stare forever. 

"Let's go to the bed, love," Louis suggested, pulled Harry by the waist, not letting go. Louis backed out of the doorway and continued onto the king sized bed they shared. He fell back on it once the backs of his knees hit the soft down.

Harry fell on top of him with a soft sigh and looked at him with a gaze full of love and trust and so much passionate emotion that Louis cooed and gingerly ran the back of his hand down Harry's face. "You're so beautiful," he hummed.

Harry pushed his face into the crook of Louis' neck, lightly kissing it.

His love started moving up the bed more and Harry followed him, settling back on top of him once Louis was finished. He stared into the eyes that reflected the same emotions that Harry knew were in his own eyes. He leaned down and kissed Louis' forehead, moving down the left of his face and kissing both of his eyelids.

He caressed Louis' waist as he continued pecking him all over the face before pulling back.

Louis frowned. "You missed a spot,"

"No, I didn't. You're just too impatient."

Harry leaned back down and placed his lips upon Louis'. He hummed in satisfaction and pressed a little harder. The kiss was slow and languid, representing an endless time with each other. Their lips moved in sync with each other and Harry's hands started moving up Louis' body, following the trail to his hands.

When he interlaced his fingers with Louis' he pushed their hands above their heads and moved his head to the side, deepening their kiss. Louis brought his legs up, his knees hitting the sides of Harry's slim waist. Harry settled more deeply into the crevice between Louis' spread legs, where he felt Louis' prominent arousal.

"I love you, baby," he whispered as he pulled off of Louis.

Louis whimpered and sought out Harry's face again with pouty lips. "I love you, too. So much," he paused. "Make love to me, Harry." It was almost a pleading tone, and Harry knew he would give in. He pulled back further and released Louis' hands from his grasp. His hands slid down Louis' curvy waist and landed at the base of his shirt. He gripped it in his hands and started pushing it up Louis' torso.

He leaned down and started kissing the skin as it was exposed until it got to Louis' chin. Louis sat up and tossed the shirt off his body, laying back down. Harry made quicker work of taking off Louis' pants and boxers.

Once Louis was naked beneath him, he pulled his towel off and settled back between Louis' legs.

Harry reached over with his long arm and opened the nightstand drawer to pull out a bottle of lube.

He retreated back to his earlier position and set the bottle aside, leaning back down towards Louis. Louis craned his neck and Harry met his lips with a passionate kiss. His hands glided over Louis' smooth skin, caressing everything he could reach.

Louis' petite hands rested on Harry's shoulders, nails gripping at the skin slightly.

Harry moved his kisses to Louis' neck and he started biting, kissing, and sucking at the skin right under his jaw line. Louis pushed his head back, giving his neck more exposure to Harry. He closed his eyes and opened his mouth slightly, letting light puffs of air out.

He gave a small moan as Harry bit his neck a final time.

He then made quick, gentle work of preparing Louis, and when Louis was whining that he was ready, Harry pushed into Louis, connecting them in the most intimate of ways.

He moved slowly, the atmosphere gentle and passionate. Louis mouthed at Harry's chest and scraped his nails down his back. Small moans and groans of pleasure escaped both of their mouths as Harry worked Louis to his release.

A few more final thrusts and Louis was letting go, Harry only seconds behind. Both covered in sweat, Harry pulled from Louis and settled behind him on their bed, wrapping his arms around him tightly. He pressed a gentle kiss into Louis' hair and Louis pushed back against Harry in approval.

"I love you," Harry said.

Louis rolled his head back to look at his lover. "I love you, too," he replied.

Harry placed a kiss onto Louis' delicate mouth. "With all of my heart."

"For the rest of my life."

**\-----**

The third time Harry sees it is only a few days after the release of  _Up All Night_ in the United States. He's in a hotel room in northern England.

Louis is in the shower and Harry has his laptop open to twitter and he's going down his timeline when he sees a retweet from a fan he follows. That in and of itself completely baffles him, but he quickly focuses more on the content of the tweet.

**@allaround1D retweeted @moonshine_bitchx: @Harry_Styles ur voice is too scratchy and u have stupid hair. just cut it off. better yet, cut yourself, ugly faggot.**

He startles and pushes his laptop away from him, standing quickly from the bed. He can feel his breath starting to come in faster and faster and his chest is tightening uncomfortably. He can feel the now familiar itch starting to claw its way up his arms, and all he wants to do is grab the razor that he placed safely in a plastic bag in his suitcase and use it against his milky skin in the bathroom.

However, he can't.

Because Louis is showering just behind a glass door and if Harry even attempted to do it in the main room, not only would it make a huge mess, but any of the boys, mainly Louis, could walk in at any second and catch him in the act.

So no, he can't do it right now.

But he really, really wants to.

In an act of desperation, Harry runs over to his suitcase to retrieve his sacred metal. Once the little baggy is in his hands he scans the room for Louis even though he can clearly hear the shower running in the bathroom still.

He sighs in relief and pushes the baggy into one of his back pockets.

He glides back over to his laptop and glances at the tweet once more, feeling the tears well up into his eyes. He huffs and blinks them back, logging out of his twitter and shutting the computer. He tumbles quickly to the door afterward and fumbles with the doorknob.

He groans in aggravation as his shaky hands resist grabbing hold of the smooth metal. However, once he finds purchase, he yanks the door open and practically runs down the hall to Niall's room. He knocks frantically at the door, not stopping until Niall opens the door.

"Harry, what..," Niall begins as he opens the door.

Harry doesn't let him finish before he's pushing his way through the door and brushing past Niall. "Do you mind if I use your shower? Lou's in ours and I just really need one. Thanks, mate. You're the best."

He slams the wooden door to the bathroom after himself and practically falls over in his haste to get to the shower. He turns it on quickly and strips his clothes.

Since he started his cutting, he's learned to be more subtle about it. He knows he can't have any marks where Louis would see them in their most intimate of times, but the wrist is way too common and he knows the fans always look closely at pictures of his and the boys wrists.

So Harry now opts for his thighs.

With the reassurance that the door was locked, Harry sat on the cool ceramic of the toilet. He stared at his thighs which has old and new scars and marks on them. He could tell anyone what every single one was for.

Pain. Betrayal. They all were for specific words.

He groaned as he gripped the blade in his hand and brought it down to graze his right thigh. He only paused for a second before he was pushing down and pulling the sharp metal across the unmarred skin.

One for being a faggot.

One for being stupid.

One for his scratchy voice.

Finally, his made his last cut.

_One for existing._

Tears fell in hot streaks down his cheeks, most of them landing on his bleeding thigh. The blood welled in continuous beads, not moving for a second, before finally sliding down either side of his leg. The pain wasn't enough. He cried out as he brought his hand down onto the cuts and dug his nails into the marks. Pain shot up his leg immediately.

_You deserve the pain._

He shook his head. He wished he could stop. He wished he had never started. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to him. It wasn't fair to the boys. It wasn't fair to his family.

It wasn't fair to Louis.

_Fuck you, Harry._

Sobs wracked Harry's body as he slowly stood and made his way over to the running shower. He checked the temperature to make sure the water was more than hot before he stepped in. He avoided placing his cut thighs underneath the stream, wanting to wait until the pain subsided before he brought it back by sticking them under the water.

He didn't actually need to take a shower, and he wasn't going to use Niall's products. He sank down onto the floor of the shower and pulled his legs up closer to his chest, his thighs burning even more at the stretch on his cuts.

He hissed in pain and clenched his eyes shut.

It felt good though and he continued to move his legs around until there was nothing but numbness when he moved.

The cuts were still beading blood.

He stood carefully and maneuvered his way into the cooling stream. The water seared against the abrasions and Harry balled his fists tightly, nails digging into his palms. He stood there for only a few more moments, until his leg wasn't producing anymore blood and then he turned off the water. He stepped from the enclosure and grabbed one of the towels stacked neatly on a rack in the corner. He wrapped it around his waist and grabbed his old clothing.

Harry unlocked the door to the bathroom and made his way towards the door. "Harry," Niall called. "Why didn't you just wait until Louis was done showering before you took yours? Better yet, why didn't you just take one with him?"

Harry shrugged. "Dunno. Anyway, thanks for letting me use your shower. See you later, mate."

Niall nodded and watched Harry exit the hotel room before he sighed and made his way into the restroom to relieve himself.

When he walked in, he paled immediately at the scene. There was a discarded razor blade on the counter with blood on it and blood was in little droplets on the floor and toilet seat. A little trail of blood led to the shower, and Niall knew instantly what had happened.

He felt sick to his stomach.

Harry was cutting himself. And he didn't know why.

**~**

Harry had just closed the door to his and Louis' hotel room behind him when Louis emerged from their own bathroom. "Hey, baby," Louis said, smiling.

Harry grinned back, instantly feeling happier. However, the pain and worthlessness was still there. "Hi, love."

"Why are you soaking wet and in a towel? Did you go swimming?"

Harry shook his head, causing water droplets to fly everywhere. "No, I just wanted a shower so I took one over in Niall's room. I forgot to take new clothes with me though, so that's why I'm still in a towel." Louis looked at him skeptically. He ran his eyes over Harry's body, noticing that he looked a little pale.

He strode over to Harry and placed a hand around his bicep. "Are you alright, lovely? You look a little ill. You should know you're always welcome to join me in the shower."

"I'm fine, Louis. I just wanted a quick shower is all." He shrugged off Louis' hand. A look of hurt washed across Louis' face and Harry immediately regretted the colder tone he'd used. He opened his arms to show Louis he was welcome to come closer.

Louis obliged almost instantly, moving into the circle of Harry's arms and pressing his face into the crook of his neck. Harry's body was warm against Louis', a sure sign that he had been in a hot shower. "I'm sorry, love," Harry apologized. "I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just extremely tired. Let's say you and I just take an early night and watch movies and cuddle?"

He felt Louis grin. "Okay."

They unattached their limbs and both made work of preparing themselves for a night in. Harry subtly put on a pair of boxers to cover up the fresh markings on his legs and slid into bed with Louis who was already burrowed under the blankets.

They moved together and watched a couple of movies over the next few hours before they started to fall asleep. Harry reached over Louis and grabbed the remote, turning the television off and snuggling closer to Louis' back.

"I love you," Louis mumbled.

Harry moved to kiss him. "I love you, too."

Louis grabbed Harry's face and moved his lips against his for a few extra seconds before pulling back, moving his hand across Harry's face lightly. "With all of my heart."

Harry closed his eyes and smiled, leaning his forehead to Louis'. "For the rest of my life."

**\-----**

It was the next morning when Harry and Louis both woke up to an insistent pounding on the door. Harry groaned and Louis snuggled closer under the covers. "I guess I'm answering it then," Harry mumbled.

He moaned as he stretched and sat up. He rubbed his eyes and stood, making his way over to the door. When he opened it, he found a crazed looking Niall who simultaneously glared at him and grabbed his wrist, yanking him out of the room.

Once Harry was in the hallway, Niall closed the door and spun around to narrow his eyes at him. Harry was more confused than he ever thought he could be. "Uh... g'morning, Niall."

"Good morning my arse. Come with me." He marched away and towards his room. Harry followed, not knowing what the big deal was. They slipped into Niall's room and Niall marched toward the bathroom. Harry scrunched his eyebrows in confusion before following Niall into the bathroom. What he saw made him weak at the knees.

"What is this, Harry?"

He didn't answer. All he did was stare at the mess of blood coloring the otherwise clean, white tile. His blood. In his haste to exit Niall's room, he'd forgotten to clean up his mess. How could he be so careless?

"Answer me, Harry." It was a little desperate now. Harry glanced over at Niall to see his eyes swimming with sadness and curiosity and pity and confusion. "Why would you do this, Harry? Why? Does Louis know?"

Harry frantically shook his head. "No," he choked. "Louis doesn't know. He's not going to know either, okay? You can't tell him Niall. Promise me, please  _please_  promise me you won't tell him." He knew his eyes were pleading. Louis couldn't know. He didn't want to face the disappointment he would see on his face if he knew. He could barely handle Niall's.

"You can't tell anyone, Niall, please. I'll stop. I will; just please don't tell the rest of the boys. I will literally get on my knees and beg."

Niall nodded his head. "Okay, okay. I won't tell anyone, but you better not do it again. If I find out you have, I will tell everyone.  _Including_ Louis." Niall crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Harry fiercely. Harry nodded, ashamed. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep his promise, but if he just continued using his thighs instead of his wrists, he was sure Niall wouldn't figure it out.

"I promise," he wheezed, the lie tasting bitter on his tongue.

**\-----**

Like he promised himself, it didn't stop. It never lightened. It was everywhere, the hate. It was almost as if he was looking for it. The cutting became a major problem. It was happening almost daily now. It was becoming his addiction.

He didn't cut for hate every day now. He cut when he was upset. He cut when Louis was mad at him. He cut when he screwed up one of his solos.

_He cut because he existed._

Every day. He saw it every day.

_Kill yourself._

_I hate you, die._

_You don't deserve to live, faggot._

_Rot in hell._

He cried every night. When Louis thought he was showering—which Harry always did eventually—he would cry over the hurtful words as he scarred himself over and over again. Then, when he was finished, he would enter the shower and wash away the evidence of weakness.

Louis never suspected a thing. He always smiled when Harry would tell him he was taking a shower. "Alright, lovely." Then, Harry would go and do what he needed to do and every time he came out of the bathroom, Louis was right there ready to cuddle with him.

Every time he saw the brightness in Louis' eyes, a pang went through his chest because Louis was unknowingly going to end up hurt one way or another. Sometimes, it was enough for him to skip a day.

He knew that Louis would cry and scream and rage for days if he found out about Harry's horrible addiction. It was Harry's mission to make sure Louis never found out.

And Niall. Niall gave him a pointed look every day and raised an eyebrow in question. Harry would give him a sheepish grin and continue on with whatever he was doing. It always worked. Niall never seemed to notice Harry's off days.

It was getting harder though. The urge was getting stronger and Harry was finding it harder and harder to stop himself from hiding away at every chance he got. That's how he found himself inviting Niall over to his and Louis' flat one night to talk about it.

"Niall, it's getting hard," he said. He knew he had to lie. He couldn't flat out tell Niall that he had never actually stopped cutting, because then Louis would find out. "It burns sometimes because I want to do it. I can't stop thinking about it. It's all I want to do. You have to help me, Niall. I don't want to die."

"Harry, here's what we're going to do. First, I want you to go and collect every blade that you have. Can you do that for me?" Harry nodded.

He did. He searched the flat for every blade he had ever had and hid and returned to Niall ten minutes later with about fourteen sharp, metal objects. Niall held out cupped hands and Harry unwillingly dumped them into his hands. Niall then stood and walked into the nearest bathroom and poured every single one into the toilet.

Harry lurched, but stayed in place as Niall flushed the toilet. He watched, one by one, as each blade disappeared from sight.

Once they were all gone, Niall turned towards him. "Problem solved. Now if you ever get the urge again, you should come to me."

**~**

Harry would never forget that night.

The sixth of September, 2013.

The night he finally asked Niall to help him. The night Louis found out. After each blade had been flushed, Harry had walked Niall to the door. With his hand on the knob, Niall turned to look at Harry and said with finality, "Please, Harry. Don't ruin yourself with cutting. You don't deserve it."

And when he opened the door, a shell-shocked Louis Tomlinson was standing there and tears were quickly welling up in his eyes. He glanced at Niall before his gaze cut to Harry quickly.

Harry knew he looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"How long?" he whispered as Niall slipped out the door.

Harry hung his head in shame. "I don't know what you're talking about, Louis."

He glanced up. Tears were falling from Louis' eyes faster than Niagara Falls. "Don't you lie to me, Harry! You know damn well what I'm talking about!  _How long_?"

He was getting angry, Harry could tell. "I... uh, since March."

It was silent. "Of this year? Last?  _2011_? How fucking long, Harry?"

"2012."

There was absolutely no response. Louis pushed passed Harry and walked into the living room. He stopped in the middle of the room and moved his hands up to his face. Harry couldn't see his expression, however, because Louis' back was facing him. "Baby," Harry began.

Louis spun around. He looked utterly heartbroken. "How  _could_ you? How could you do this to yourself? To me?"

"I wasn't-," Harry began to say.

"Yes, you were!" Louis shouted. "You hurt yourself. You physically harmed yourself. Therefore, you harmed me. You're my absolute world, do you know that? Do you know how it feels to watch you hurt? To watch you cry?" He paused. "I would die rather than see you ever get hurt. And to find out you've been doing it to yourself? Why? Why would you do that?"

Louis lunged forward and latched onto Harry. He started throwing blind hits at his chest, mumbling incoherently. Harry was quick to grip Louis' tiny wrists. "Louis, Louis... baby,  _stop._ "

"No!" It came out in a broken wail. "How could you do this to me? You're such an asshole! I hate you, how could you?" He collapsed against Harry in a loud sob. Harry could feel his own tears falling down.

"I never wanted to hurt you," he said quietly.

_Fuck you, Harry._

"But you  _did._ You did, Harry and you can't take that back. You've been doing it for a year and a half. I didn't have a single clue. I should have known. I should have fucking  _known._ I know you like the back of my hand.

"You're my whole entire world, Harry Styles. I don't know what I would do without you. You can't do this. Please, baby. Please, I need you to stop. You're hurting me. It hurts me so much. I feel like I can't breathe right now. I need you. You can't leave me. Please."

They sobbed in unison and Harry sunk to the floor with Louis. He settled Louis onto his lap and wrapped his arms around him. Louis clung to the front of his t-shirt as if his life depended on it. And Harry thought maybe in that moment that it did.

They sat in silence for a long time as Louis' sobs subsided. Both still had tears streaming down their faces when Louis pulled back to look at him. "Where?" he asked.

Harry pushed a wrist out to Louis to show him the year old scars. Louis ran a gentle finger over them and shivers went up Harry's spine. He traced each one with a delicate touch.

Once he was finished, he brought Harry's wrist up and kissed each individual one. Finally, he set Harry's arm back down and met his eyes.

Louis' blue eyes shined bright with tears. "There's more."

It wasn't a question.

Harry stood slowly and pulled Louis up behind him. He gripped his hand tightly and started towards their room at the end of the hall. Once there, Harry shut the door behind him and dimmed the lights. He pushed Louis over to the bed and motioned for him to sit down. Fresh tears started falling down Louis' face as Harry started to strip off his clothes.

Louis closely examined Harry's torso, checking for any marks. When he didn't find any, he shook his head. Of course there weren't any there. He would have noticed them during their more intimate of times.

Harry worked on his joggers next, undoing the drawstring and letting them pool at his feet. Louis had to prevent himself from imagining things he knew he shouldn't be seeing right now. Finally, Harry dropped his boxers.

Louis' eyes widened in surprise and he adverted his eyes. Harry moved in a languid fashion towards Louis. He finally sat next to Louis and grabbed his hand.

Louis shut his eyes tightly. He didn't want to see it. Tears sprung from his eyes and streamed down his cheeks. His eyes were surely swollen and his nose felt stuffy. Harry played with Louis' fingers for a moment and Louis reminisced in the feel, but then, slowly, Harry pressed Louis' hand against raised skin and Louis knew he was grazing another mark.

Louis reluctantly moved to look at Harry and his eyes immediately went to his thighs. Louis let out a strangled cry at the sight. All he could see were scars and red. He whimpered and pushed himself against Harry's side. "Harry."

Harry hung his head. Louis ran his fingers along the marks, caressing each one.

Finally, after five minutes, Harry stood abruptly and went over to his discarded clothes. He started sliding them on when Louis began speaking.

"We can get you help. We can fix your problem, baby."

Harry snapped his head up and anger and defensiveness flashed across his face. "I don't have a  _problem,_ Louis. Just because I deal with things differently than you doesn't mean I have a problem. How could you even say that?"

Louis flinched at Harry's hard tone. "I didn't mean it that way, lovely. I just don't want to see you hurting yourself anymore. It's not good for you. And it hurts me."

"How would  _you_ know what's good for me?" Harry shot back. "Last I thought, I made decisions for my own life. You can't tell me what to do. I don't have a problem. I just deal with things in a different way. Stop being such a pushy asshole."

"Harry!" Louis cried. "That's not what I meant. I'm not trying to tell you what— _Harry_!" The door slammed though. Harry had left the room.

Louis stumbled up and ran after Harry. He was at the end of the hall, getting ready to turn the corner. Louis pushed a little harder and caught Harry by the waist, yanking him backwards. "You're not being rational, baby, stop! Hear me out!"

"No, you're trying to control me," Harry protested.

"No, I'm not," Louis whispered. "I just don't want something bad to happen to you. This could lead to something bad, Harry. This may be hard to believe, but I  _can't lose you_. You're the most important thing to me. I love you. Don't you understand? I love you so much it hurts. I'd be so lost without you."

Harry's resolve crumbled. He gripped Louis and gently pushed him against the wall. He leaned down and put his forehead against Louis'. He hands came up to caress Louis' face and he breathed gently. "I love you, too, baby."

"With all of your heart?" Louis questioned, whimpering.

Harry nodded, pressing a gentle kiss to Louis' forehead. "For the rest of my life."

**\-----**

He got worse.

Louis was always out on the watch now, but he knew Harry wouldn't be able to quit cold turkey. He got angry. They fought. It was all part of a bigger circle. Louis would hold him close on his bad days, and when he wasn't there, Harry would resort to what he wished he wouldn't.

It didn't help that Louis was now "engaged" to Eleanor. It was a scheme of course, but it didn't make Harry hurt any less. Because now Louis was with Eleanor practically all the time. They only had a couple months before they were going to "break it off."

However, Harry wasn't so sure about that. Louis and Eleanor were never supposed to be engaged in the first place. When Harry had heard the news, he wanted to vomit. That night he had cut.

Louis and him had cried together.

It wasn't fair.

He couldn't do it anymore.

And that's how Harry found himself in the bathroom at two o'clock in the morning the night after their 2014 Where We Are tour had ended. 

There was a bottle of sleeping pills sitting beside him on the floor and two notes. The short one on top of the long one. Tears pooled in his eyes as he looked the papers. He knew he was hurting Louis. He knew Louis would be beyond heartbroken.

But he also knew Louis would move on.

Harry sniffled and wiped at his eyes, reaching a shaky hand out towards the open bottle. He grabbed the bottle of water that was between his thighs and opened it as well. He dumped five pills into his hand and dropped them into his mouth. He swallowed them with a swig of water.

He repeated the process. Once. Twice. Three times.

He was shaking violently by the time he finished the fourth set of pills he tossed back. He knocked the water and pill bottle aside and reached for his neck, pulling the necklaces he always wore from their place.

He put them gently on top of the notes before lying down on the cool tile.

His cheeks were hot and it felt good. He started thinking of all the good times he had had with Louis. The first time they had said "I love you," their first time together, their first home. He couldn't have asked for anyone better to fall in love with, and he was so happy that he was able to call himself Louis', if only for a little bit.

As his brain started to go fuzzy and he started to lose consciousness, the last thing he saw was Louis' bright smiling face telling him he loved him.

"With all of my heart, baby," he whispered on his last breath.

_Fuck you, Harry._

**~**

Louis blinked groggily as the light shined into the room. He groped blindly for his lover, but found cold, empty sheets. He sat up in confusion and looked around the room. He didn't see Harry in there. "Harry?" he called, hoping he would reply from somewhere within the flat.

When there was no response, Louis stood and walked from the room towards the front window. Maybe he had run to the store or something. However, when he looked out of the window and noticed Harry's black Range Rover still parked in its designated spot, he began to worry.

He traced his steps back to his and Harry's room and scanned the room once again. When his eyes passed over the cracked bathroom door, he noticed the light was on, spilling a beam across the floor. He approached the door slowly. "Harry? Baby, are you in there?" He nudged the door open with a finger and looked around the room.

He screamed.

His heart lurched and he fell to floor instantly. Tears pooled in his eyes and wasted no time spilling over. " _Harry! Baby! Answer me! Please!_ " He crawled over to Harry's body frantically. " _Harry, answer me, baby, please. Harry!_ "

Louis was full on sobbing now as he cradled Harry's head. His eyes were closed and he looked peaceful, but his body was ice cold. Louis knew exactly what it meant, but he refused to believe it.

He shook in his place as he gently set Harry's head back down and tumbled out of the room in league of his phone. Once he had it in his grasp, he was sprinting back to the bathroom and falling to the floor. He pressed speed-dial three and the phone was ringing for Liam. He placed it on speaker and tossed his phone carelessly aside.

"Harry, please," he sobbed. His body was shaking hard as he crawled against Harry. "Please. You promised. You-,"

"Louis?"

" _Liam!_ " Louis shrieked. " _Liam, call 999 immediately, it's Harry. Send them to my flat, Liam_ please!"

"Okay, okay. Louis, what's-,"

" _Just do it!_ "

He hung up.

Louis shook harder. "You promised me, Harry. You promised. You said you would never leave me! You said you would always be there for me. You lied! You lied, Harry. How could you leave me? Why would you do this to me? I need you!" He paused and pushed his head against Harry's pulse-less neck.

"I don't know what to do without you. I don't know what to be without you."

He didn't say anymore. He pushed himself closer to Harry, encasing himself in the cold arms. He shook and sobbed and clung to him like nothing else mattered. He clenched his eyes shut, hoping it was all a dream. He prayed that Harry's warm embrace would wrap around him and reassure him that it was all a sick  _nightmare_.

It wasn't.

It was probably ten minutes before the paramedics and Liam, Niall, and Zayn showed up. The paramedics had to pry Louis away from Harry and he screamed and thrashed and swung blindly at them.

"No! You can't take him away from me! He's mine! I need him. Please, please don't-,"

Gentle arms encased him. He fell back into the warmth, gasping for breath he didn't realize he was missing. "Louis, shh. Please stop screaming and thrashing. They need to try and help Harry."

It was Liam. He was crying too. So were Niall and Zayn. "It's not fair, Liam! He is the love of my life! I'm supposed to have forever with him. But he  _took that away_. He's so selfish. Now I don't have him. Liam," Louis whimpered, pressing his face to his hands. "He's all that I want and I can't have him anymore."

Liam didn't say anything. Only tightened his grip.

"He's gone," Louis whispered.

**\-----**

The days passed in a blur for Louis. He didn't really hold on to what was happening around him. Visitors came and went, leaving their condolences. He conversed with Harry's mum. He yelled at nothing. He barely slept.

But when he did, he screamed and thrashed with nightmares.

That's all his life was anymore. A nightmare.

The necklaces were clung around his neck, falling in between his collarbones. He never took them off. The metal was cold, just like his last memory of Harry had been.

It wasn't until three days after the funeral, six days after  _his_  death, that Louis finally opened the two notes that Harry had left for him. He hadn't even read any words yet before the tears started pouring from his eyes.

He opened the smaller one first, because it had been on top.

 _Louis,_ it began.

 _Loved you once_  
_Love you still_  
_Always have_  
_Always will_  
_I'm so sorry, baby._

_\- Harry x_

That's when Louis' whole world shattered.

He raised a hand to his mouth as a broken sob escaped him. He clenched his eyes shut and gripped the paper in his hand tightly. He willed the lump in his throat to go away before he grabbed the second piece of paper. His heart was pounding in his ears and it felt like someone was ripping it apart, piece by piece.

He opened the letter slowly.

_To the love of my life,_

_I love you. I'm sorry I couldn't be there today. I'm sorry that I was away. I'm sorry that I left you alone. I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye._

_I feel as though I must pour my heart out to you. I have to let you know exactly what you mean to me._

_Every single time our eyes meet, I get this feeling inside me, this powerful surge, that just blows my mind. It makes me feel wonderful, it makes me want to scream from the rooftops, let everyone know you're mine, to dance until I can't feel my legs. It's almost too much to bare. Every time you touch me, I can feel the love from you for me. Like it's pouring through your fingertips and spilling into my heart._

_I've never felt like this about anyone or anything. When you look at me, I feel as though I can hear your every thought. I feel as though I can see what you dream of._

_Baby, I don't know how you do what you do, but it makes me love you even more. Every day, it just gets better and better. I know we're already together, hence the reason for this letter, but I wanted to spend the rest of my living and breathing life with you. Forever. I'm sorry I can't. It's every small thing that you do. Baby, I'm amazed by you._

_Your smell just blows me away. Your lips have their own peculiar taste. They make me want to kiss you every second of my life. I miss you. I know you miss me, too. I'm sorry. I want to feel you in my arms every day. I want to feel your touch all the time. When you whisper my name or when we kiss, I want it to last forever. It makes me feel comforted. I have given you the key to my heart, and I will never let anyone else have it. And every time I kiss you, or make love to you, it feels like the first time. I wish I could spend the whole night looking into your eyes._

_Your soul._

_I swear, every time I think about you, I know you're thinking about me too. I keep you in my heart. I keep a picture of you. I always have you. I'll always have you, and I'll always want you. I want you be with you, I want to see you, I want to hold you tonight. I'm sorry I can't. Don't be sad. Smile for me every once in a while. That's my favorite physical quality of you. Your smile. You light up the whole room. You make me smile in return._

_I wish I could spend this night with you. I want to hold you in my arms right. I want to make love to you right now. I miss you. I miss everything about you. I miss your personality. I miss your intellect. I miss you so much. Even though I'm not gone yet._

_I know I hurt you by leaving, but baby, trust me. I'm coming home to you. I will always come home to you. Although you cannot see me, I'm always with you. I'm always in that spot in your chest. I'll always be in your heart. As long as it's beating, I'll be there. I promise to see you again. I will be waiting._

_I remember the first time you told me you loved me. You looked so nervous. Like I couldn't have loved you back. That was never an option. I've loved you from the very beginning. You are the sunshine of my life. You spoke those three delicate words and I swear the whole world stopped. And you're face when I replied was the most beautiful thing I think I have ever seen._

_That will never change, baby._

_I'm so sorry I did this to you. I promised, I know I did. But I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't watch you pretend to love Eleanor. I couldn't watch you pretend to be engaged to her. I couldn't watch you with her._

_But I also couldn't deal with the hate anymore. I always wanted to be the person who could handle the bad words thrown at them in light of all the good things. But I can't. I'm not one of those people and I never will be. I'm not as strong as you. I'm not good at driving the comments in the other direction._

_I let them affect me in a way worse than I should have._

_I'm so sorry. That's all I can say. I took the shameful way out. I wish I could just tell you how sorry I am. I'm sorry beyond words. I'll forever be sorry. I hope one day you can forgive me. But Louis, I want you to move on. Please. Move on from me. Find someone else, fall in love, adopt the kids you've always wanted. I'll always be upset that it wasn't me, but I want to see you happy. So please._

_I'm not asking you to forget me. I'm just asking you to let me go. I'll never forgive myself, but one day, I hope you can forgive me._

_I love you so much, my Louis. I'll be waiting for us to meet again._

_With all of my heart,_

"For the rest of my life."


End file.
